Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Conscience: 'How does it feel to get a gift from someone you've only known for approximately two months?'
Me: 'It feels weird.'
Conscience: 'Good weird? Or bad weird?'
Me: 'Good weird!

An undeserved gift. She gave a gift to a total stranger who just so happened to be me. We're classmates in three subjects, but I don't really know her well and she doesn't really know me also. I just know that she used to have a BlackBerry. I know that she has a  niece. She likes candies. And that's all I really know about her. But we sit next to each other four times a week, give each other yellow pad paper, borrow pens and laugh at hilarious professors.

Conscience: 'Another boring holiday.'
Me: 'Téa was the first to greet me.'
Conscience: 'And so?'
Me: 'She's cute!'

I'm not sure if I already said this, but I'll just blurt this out.  We were on our way to the park when Téa decided that she wanted to greet me a merry Christmas. 'Merry Christmas, Tita Anna!' she kept on saying. She repeated that for what seemed like fifty times or more. And she said it like Christmas was the greatest thing that ever happened to her. If you think about it and if you believe in Christmas, then Christmas really is the greatest thing that happened. A Higher Being coming down to a sinful earth to die so we might all have eternal life.

Conscience: 'How come you got home early?'
Me: 'Which home?'
Conscience: 'Not-Makati-home.'
Me: 'I'm cool like that.'

I had to hand in assignments last Thursday and last Friday. The stupid thing was that I didn't really have to be in school last Friday. So on Thursday, I handed in my requirements for one class, attended theology and then went to Miss Connie. I was like, 'Miss Connie, can you please just hand this in to Miss History Professor?' She got my assignments and I left for Not-Makati-Home.

Conscience: 'How's that other home?'
Me: 'Uhm, still the same.'
Conscience: 'No food?'
Me: 'No food. No kids. No noise.'

The wonderful parents forget that they have a very hungry daughter.  Each time I come home here, I have to force them to buy food. All they have is salad, soup, veggies and some other stuff I will never eat. I end up having canned goods and noodles. Yes, I pity myself. I hate the quiet here. I cannot stand it. I get so bored easily. Doesn't help that people in the neighborhood are snobs who will never be my friends.

Conscience: 'Anything great happen last week?'
Me: 'I tried out the Fitness First gym in Eastwood.
Conscience: 'And?'
Me: 'There was this guy. . .'

There was this guy who just kept on talking to me. He reminded me of one of those guys I had a thing with when I was fifteen. He kept on talking to me in Tagalog and I would reply in English. Finally, he asked me where I went to school. I said the name of my school and he was like, 'No wonder.' Well, I'm sorry that my school produces English speaking people.

Conscience: 'So you're into him'
Me: 'Who? Which him?'

Conscience: 'Any him.'
Me: 'Well. .  There is. . .We're kinda. . But. .'
There is nothing between that guy and me. Never had a thing. Will never have a thing. That should make those other people happy. It sounds pathetic to say that we're just friends. But the truth is we tried it before and it didn't work. It was so hilarious that we acted as though we weren't together but called it a relationship. Looking back, that was such a stupid thing to do. But at least we got a cool story.

Conscience: 'Any realizations this past week?'
Me: 'You know you're in Antipolo when it's so quiet.'
Conscience: 'You only found that out now?'
Me: 'You know you're in Antipolo when the WiFi is slow.'

Not complaining. I'm just really bored. I've got all my books here, all my art stuff, all my songs, all my clothes, all my nail polish blah blahs and everything I own is here. And yet I am so bored. I end up going to sleep and eating all day long. Friends aren't available to go out. Acquaintances are too busy with their friends. Those random people aren't fun to be with. I'd rather sleep.

Conscience: 'How has God been working in your life?'
Me: 'Is this really part of this question thingamajig?'
Conscience: 'You're asking me.'
Me: 'I'm talking to myself.'

Shut up self! I would like to say that it's been awesome, but keeping up this faith in Him has been the hardest challenge ever. I don't have any idea how much longer I can stand holding onto Him. Sometimes it seems easier. Other times it just feels so wrong.

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