Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Divorce Just Happens

A friend brought a book with pages full of questions with her to our church's youth overnight. We all took turns reading a question out loud and answering them. If you could have your own club, what would you name it and what music would you play? Would you help a friend cheat for an exam? If you were in a party and saw someone you wanted to ask out, how would you get the person's attention? The questions got more and more ridiculous until the last question was asked. What would you say to anyone who was going through a divorce?

The person who had to answer the  question was one of our youth group leaders. Of course, her answer was a mile long and several feet deep, yet it prompted several members of the group to react, to share and to give their own take on divorce. Some had parents who were going through it. Another was a child who had to deal with a father who was unfaithful. And one just wanted to know when to stop praying for her mother and father to reconcile. They said that as the child, you never stop praying and you never stop hoping for that reconciliation. And their stories about wanting their parents to get back together went on and on and on. Someone made a comment that the topic was so close to home. Well, this topic is what makes my home. If divorce (or annulment) destroyed the families of my friends, divorce (or annulment) gave me a mother and a father plus two ancient half brothers. 

Am not sure when I realized that my ancient older brothers were my mom's children from her first marriage. Maybe I found out when I had to talk to my ancient older brothers' father on the phone. Or maybe I found out when I realized I would only see my second ancient older brother only during big family reunions. Actually, am pretty sure my first ancient older brother who lived with us for a few years shared some family gossip with me. All I know is that my ancient older brothers and I belonged to the same mom, but we had different dads.
And I sat there thinking about my own messed up family and how we've all learned to deal with the divorce (or annulment) in our own crazy way. Some of us have learned to deal with it better than the others. But have dealt with it and continue to deal with it. My dad has a way of detaching himself from everything that has to do with my mom's divorce. When she talks about it, he just shuts up. Maybe he thinks that just because the law says the marriage never happened, he can pretend it never took place. My mom still has open wounds from that divorce (annulment) that will never fully heal. I know she cries about it and still feels its heavy weight. The first ancient older brother has pain we all know about but will never comprehend entirely. The second ancient older brother seems to have let his pain fuel his desire to have a beautiful family. And I may not feel all their pain, but their pain has affected my views on life and marriage.

I thought about how one ancient brother wished for mom and their father to reconcile and how the other ancient brother did not. Thought about all those times mom wished the second ancient older brother also lived with her when he was growing up. Recalled those moments when one ancient older brother would call my dad Papito and the other one called him Uncle. Looked back on those times my mom begged God to please change one ancient older brother's mind about marriage and children. Recalled all those times I would have to explain why our last names did not match. Thought about how my dad loves his wife's children even if they are not his own. Tried to feel the regret my mom is undergoing for having a divorce (annulment) and also her happiness that she is free from that marriage. 

Their talk went on and on and on as I tried to make myself disappear in the mess of blanketss and a pillow. Because what can someone say to a person who is going through a divorce? What can someone say to a child whose parents are divorcing? What can someone say to a child who has a parent who has gone through a divorce and has re-married? What can someone say? What can someone really say? Nothing. You can talk and talk and talk, but that may mean nothing because each situation is different and because there will never be a right or a wrong divorce (annulment). You can pray and pray that reconciliation takes place, but sometimes God does not listen to prayers like those. You can question and beg, but sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes divorce (annulment) just happens. Sometimes divorce (annulment) it is meant to be.

So I came back from that overnight depressed as ever.



Tuesday, April 2, 2013

More Months Down The Drain

So done with another year of college.

While everyone else is getting their grades, I am stuck at home doing crazy things. The second semester ended last March 22, 2013 and I have been on vacation mode since then. What do I do when it's vacation? I sleep, eat, read, watch, drive my parents insane, scare the neighbors and play with animals. But before I get so engrossed in doing crazy things, I gotta review the semester that just ended.

Theology Two - Monday and Friday 7:45AM-9:10AM

Basically this whole class was about celebrating life in a community of faith. Although this class was seriously boring and I would drink coffee just to wake myself up, I actually appreciated this class a whole lot. Imagine, I was forced to start and end my school week with prayer and praise. Of course, there were times I would annoy the professor really bad and she would roll her eyes at me. I didn't bring my Bible to class one time and was too lazy to borrow from the library. The professor noticed and I was like, 'Reading the Bible won't get me to Heaven. ' I guess this was one of those classes I just had to attend so that I wouldn't have to repeat it. Ever.

Take Away: Almost every meeting the professor would say, 'You should live your life to the fullest!' Fullest my @*$.

Humanities Two - Tuesday 10:40AM-1:50PM

What kind of schedule is that? I'd be in the classroom on time and the class would start at around 11:15AM. If the professor didn't feel like it, she'd end the class at like 12:30noon. We were always eating during this class. Am not really sure what the professor wanted us to learn in this class. The lessons were messed up and rather queer, but we could always relate to them somehow. I especially enjoyed those times the professor would just rant about her ex boyfriend and we were like, 'We'll listen to anything as long as it's not the lesson!' I enjoyed the final project/final exam for this class! My group had to give a presentation about clothes and I just put together pictures from my Flickr days. LOL.

Take Away: 'Use your knowledge about the person to make a judgement about the situation,' the professor would always say. 

Classics- Tuesday and Thursday 2:00PM-3:20PM

Ohmyfreakinggawd. I honestly thought that I was done with this professor who also taught Oral Communication to our block during the first semester. I don't exactly hate the professor, but I don't love her. I just don't get the professor at all. This class had too many surprise quizzes I failed, questions that had no answers, stories I could not relate to, grades I could not figure out and unnecessary stress I had to deal with. I remember not knowing what to review for the midterm exam. All I did was scan my scarce notes and take the exam. When the results came out, I was like, 'Thank God for stock knowledge and for Ada who is so crazy about mythology.' This could have been an interesting class if. . . Never mind. Looking back though, this class brought our block together. 

Take Away: I want to go to Greece

Philosophy/Critical Thinking - Wednesday 9:20AM-12noon

My brain would go dead during this class! During the first half of the semester, I was guessing everything in this class. I'd guess the answers for every quiz, I'd guess the answers for the reflection papers and I guessed for the midterm exam. I only started getting things when we started the debates! I loved it. I guess I was lucky 'cause I was always in a group with people who knew how to work debates. I liked the professor because I think he's smart. It's just that most of the time he was talking to himself and explaining the lesson to himself. He would start his sentences with 'In a nutshell' and we'd make fun of that. I'd make fun of that. Mica, Mina and I would laugh really bad in class 'cause the professor would make stupid sounds which we would later on copy. Char was not my classmate in this class, but she also had this professor for another class. We would swap stories about him and we agreed that he made our brains dizzy. To get me through this class, Char, Mica and Mina would make me laugh!

Take Away: All is well. 

NSTP One - Wednesday 2:00PM-4:50PM

Would someone please explain why I needed to take this class? How come this class is not graded? How come it's just pass or fail? I had to drag myself to this class every freaking week. Half of the time I did not understand the professor who taught the class in some form of Filipino. Did not help that all my classmates in this class were rowdy first year students. Good thing I had some friends who were in this class who were also irregular students like me. We got through the whole semester because of food, swapping stories and hating the class. The best thing that happened in this class was that we got to go to GK Enchanted Farm. The most annoying thing is that there still is an NSTP Two. Freaks.

Take Away:  None. 

Introduction to Broadcasting- Friday 9:30AM-12noon

I wanted to skip this class altogether! I have no idea if we were wasting the professor's time or she was wasting our time. I dunno if her method of teaching was wrong or if we just expected something totally different. I dunno if she taught us anything or we just didn't listen close enough. I dunno if her De La Salle University standards are higher or if Assumption standards are lower. I have no idea. It was pretty awkward when she asked the class if there was anything wrong and how come we were failing. As if we would stand up and tell her what the problem was. In the end, we just shut up and did whatever we could to pass. When I found out that she was serious with her weekly reflection papers on TV shows, I made tons of them and passed them all. The happiest we were during this subject was when we got to visit GMA 7. And then some of my groupmates for our final project got to interview DJ Jimmy Muna. 

Take Away:  Being in media will never be easy, but it will be worth it.

Scriptwriting - Friday 2:00PM-4:50PM

I LOVED THIS CLASS! <3  Before the professor made us write our own scripts, she made us watch tons of movies. Because I love movies, I would download all the movies she would make us watch and I'd use those movies as an excuse to waste away three hours a day. I'll never forget this class because I got to watch a really good movie, We Have To Talk About Kevin. There was this movie about Rizal which was brilliant, but I got bored. And so many other movies which made me go, 'Crap. I wish I wrote that script.' I got a partner when it came to making our own script. And we literally did not sleep just so that we could finish the script. There were times I would really yell because things were so off and lines weren't coming out of our heads. Coffee, energy drinks and alcohol helped us along the way. 

Take Away: "The producer is anyone who knows a writer."

Economics - Saturday 10:40AM-1:50PM

Curses! Saturday classes suck. Why do I need economics when my course is Media Production? Stupid. I bought the book for this class just so that I would not have to listen to the professor talk. Little did I know that I would not also be able to understand the stupid book which was full of numbers and graphs. Every Saturday, I would think of new ways to entertain myself during this class. At first, I would just count the times the professor would use his fuck finger to point at the board. After some time, I got tired of doing that. So I would borrow the phones of my friends and play all sorts of weird games. When that didn't work, I composed a song. And then towards the end of the semester I copied my classmate, Michel, and practiced writing with my left hand. Yes, that was how boring this class was. I was especially disappointed after I learned that the professor got all of his Powerpoint Presentations online. Like what?! O.o

Take Away: Anything with numbers bores me to death.  

At the End of the Day: I wanna say that I had such a useless semester and that most of my classes were crap, but that wouldn't be true. I enjoyed this semester because my friends made it awesome. =)