I'll Help You Feel Better

Cute little Téa took the photo.

'Tita Anna, I'll help you feel better about losing your best friend. I'll always give you hugs.'

Not-Makati-Home

Conscience: 'How does it feel to get a gift from someone you've only known for approximately two months?'
Me: 'It feels weird.'
Conscience: 'Good weird? Or bad weird?'
Me: 'Good weird!

An undeserved gift. She gave a gift to a total stranger who just so happened to be me. We're classmates in three subjects, but I don't really know her well and she doesn't really know me also. I just know that she used to have a BlackBerry. I know that she has a  niece. She likes candies. And that's all I really know about her. But we sit next to each other four times a week, give each other yellow pad paper, borrow pens and laugh at hilarious professors.

Trust the Yaya

The assignment was to take pictures using long shutter speed. The easiest thing to do was to get a flashlight, go into a dark room and write something in the air. The hard thing was to take a picture of those cars and wait for the cars to become rays of light. I was panicking really bad because the assignment was due the next day and I hadn't gotten any pictures yet. I bugged my cousin, Corina, to come with me. Being the lovely cousin she has to be, she took a jeep just to see me in my messed up state. 


The first thing we did was to look for a fountain. I wanted some water shots for that fast shutter speed assignment. I'm pretty sure there's a fountain somewhere here in this part of the world. The fountain that Corina and I knew of was closed. We walked back to the mall and proceeded to stuff ourselves with fries and Coke Floats. While deciding what to do next, we bought a card for our grandfather's sister, talked about life and gossiped about some hilarious people.

Cramming At Its Best

Conscience: 'And we have done it again, Anna! Cramming at its best.'
Me: 'Good job!'
Conscience: 'I know right!'
Me: 'We're awesome!'

I had four papers to write. Two for history. One for visual arts. One for Theology. And what was I doing instead of writing them? I was watching The Walking Dead. My brother and my sister in law got me hooked on the series. In fact, I finished one season in three days. It so short that you can finish it in one if you have the time.  I thought that the series would be so scary. It's not. I even end up laughing when they die. Yes, I will now brainwash my friends to watch The Walking Dead with me.

Calling It Quits

Hilarious.

Kudos to you! You're getting so much undeserved flak for what happened a few days ago. I don't blame you for what you did though I got dragged into this pathetic situation. I don't necessarily agree with the means you used to get your message across, yet I do agree that it's time for people to wake up and see things without bias. Though the means was wrong, I admire you for standing for what you think is the truth. You never let other people bully you into saying what they want to hear or doing what they want you to do. You really do have a mind of your own. And you have reasons for everything that you do.

It saddens me that people do not believe you or they think that you are out to ruin someone's reputation. They interpret your care and concern as anger and judgment. It saddens me. But maybe they do that because you show that you care for a person by being angry when wrong befalls them. Your protective instincts tell you to care by being angry. I wish other people understood that. Less misunderstandings would happen. 


 I am not on your side nor do I claim that you know the whole truth. I just listen to what you have to say. When you vent, I calm you down. If you're angry, I try to help you process things. There are days when you are really happy and I am glad you have those days. I'd like you to know that you have never brain washed me into your own way of thinking. You have never forced your opinions on me. So do not be discouraged when people tell you that I am the way I am because of you. 

~

Pambihira

Unbelievable.


They say that good things come to those who wait. It's hard enough to wait for a minute, but it's harder to wait for three years for something that never even took place. Anticipating it happening was the exciting part. Knowing that it would never happen was the painful phase. Hope kept that dream alive that maybe someday it would take place. Faith made that hope grow into desire that pushed it to happen in the fantasy world. 


The good part was that it was almost there. If there was a 'How To Do It' for that particular situation, step one was already accomplished. There was just ninety-nine more steps to go. The problem was that step one was so attractive. Progress didn't seem necessary. Staying there seemed to make everyone happy. It was satisfying. It was fulfilling. It was complete. It was enough. It was good enough. 


It's funny because it never progressed nor digressed in those three years. It was constant. It was sustained. It was unceasing. It just stayed the same. There came a time when it lacked something. It lacked the ninety-nine other things to call it what it should have been called. And since it lacked, it wasn't that good after all. Not good enough to be called good. It wasn't bad. It was lacking.

So what to do? Wait some more? Or just drop the whole idea of it materializing? Based on the statement, if a person waits, something good will happen. Does that mean that three years isn't long enough? Does that mean that a person should just keep on waiting and waiting for something good to fall out of the sky? Willingness to wait is not a problem. 

The question is, does one have assurance that if one waits something really good will fall into place? Or do people just fool themselves by saying that something good will happen so they forget about the time they're wasting waiting for it to come into being? Why can't anything good happen to those who are impatient? Why can't awesome things present themselves to those who have got ants in their pants? Why can't amazing things eventuate to those who are restless?


They say that good things must come to an end. Apparently, this good thing cannot be kept forever. It passes. It's given to a person for a specific time and is taken away so that the cycle starts all over again. Whatever this good thing may be, it has to be passed on from one person to another. Doesn't matter if it's good grades, a nice house, a new car, a friend, a guy or even something as stupid as a pen. If it's good, it won't stay with the person forever.


So why wait for something good to happen when it will just vanish once its time with the person is up? Why wait for this good event to take place when it will just end before the night is over? Why wait for the right person when it will end in tears? Why wait for a friend to apologize if the situation will eventually repeat itself again and again? Why wait for that awesome phone if it will not be awesome next year? 


An endless cycle it is. An endless cycle to trick people into waiting for something they will not really wait for if they knew that it would end too soon. But then since some good does occur for a certain duration of time, it leads people to think that this good is actually attainable. This good thing that lasts only for a certain period of time gives people false hope that maybe if a person tries harder at finding it next time, it just might lead to a permanent state of goodness. 


So what to do about this whole dilemma? Sit down on the toilet seat, apply nail polish, comfort yourself by singing Love Like Woe and flush the toilet a million times so that people think that you aren't crying inside. At the top of your lungs yell, 'Pambihira!' Get out of the toilet. Go into the room where all the riot is. Act like nothing happened. Smile like everything is fine. Laugh like there is no tomorrow. Talk as if you make some sense. Hide the tears because they really were never there to begin with.


And this is what happened last Sunday.

Random Hugs and Three Hours Talks

Conscience: 'Apparently you were in an awful mood last Sunday.'
Me: 'Anong paki mo? Seriously.'
Conscience: 'I was just asking. Wanted to know if I could help.'
Me: 'Help? No one can help. Everyone just makes it worse.'

Seriously. I hate it when people try to cheer me up because they know that I am feeling so bad. There is nothing you can do about my mood swings. There is nothing you can do to make me happy about the fact that someone is such a jerk. There is nothing you can do to make the person change his or her mind about this whole situation. And there is nothing you can do to make me tell myself to snap out of this mood. The only thing you can do is to shut up and never mention this to me again.