I was sitting in church last Sunday trying to get a grip on the sermon. I was listening but I also was kinda distracted. So I looked around the room. I noticed that everyone had a friend. They were sitting with people they knew and shared their life with. They sat with their families and extended families. They sat with their girlfriends or boyfriends or someone they just found special. They sat with their friends and friends of their parents or friends of someone they knew. And I was sitting there thinking to myself, 'Heck, I don't have a friend in this place!'
Sure, they all know me. They all know me as Pastor Alberto's niece. They know me as Pastor Alberto's sister's daughter. They know me as Anna. I am not complaining about the fact that they just know my name and not who I am. It's just that it gets really lonely sometimes. They have done their part. They say hi to me and I say hi back. They talk to me for five minutes and then the awkward silence begins. They smile at me and I smile back politely. And then it just stops there. We are eternally on the hi-how-are-you-I'm-fine-thank-you stage.
I have tried making friends. One time, a couple of guys had lunch at my uncle's house. One dude actually talked to me which really surprised me because they usually think that I'm this strange looking person who doesn't really care to chat. The only problem was that I was so bored with our little chat. I was trying to find something in common with him, so I asked him if he read any books or if he watched any shows. People can be divided into three categories: the readers, the couch potatoes and those who do both. They do both because they don't want to be perceived as a nerd or as a couch potato. The dude didn't read and didn't watch any shows. And I was like, 'Holy crap. I am so desperate for a friend that I will still talk to you even if you are boring!'
There's another guy who's kinda like me. Nah, he's like a million times more extreme than me. He's into books that I absolutely love. The dude makes fun of Twilight as much as I do. And well, we get along pretty well when we have to. I guess I just find it pretty awkward talking to him because he is ancient and I'm way younger than him. But if there was like a younger version of him who was like my age and all, I'd be best friends with that dude. I'd be talking to him non stop about new ideas and crazy thoughts. Like maybe if I could trap him in a teenager's body or a kid's body like Detective Conan. That would totally work! Too bad I've got to deal with the real version of the person.
Two guys there are into Community. But it's rather weird to hang out with them since they are so quiet and I've got to force the words out of their mouths. Or maybe they just shut up when I'm around for some unknown reason. One guy is into theater. I got to chat with him when my cousin had to pick up some food from his house. He's pretty cool, yet he only talks to me when everyone else is gone. Like he only talks to me when we're the only ones in the room. There are two other guys who are brothers who smile at me ever since I gave them some candy last Christmas. I call them the emo brothers because I have never heard them talk! It appears that they are my age but I'm too shy to talk to them 'cause they're too shy to say a word.
And the girls? The hard part about being friends with girls is that they have groups or cliques. They cannot stand alone. Guys, on the other hand, can talk to anyone and they normally do that. I just noticed that since I am relatively new in the church, I cannot get into their clique because they have already formed stable relationships with the other girls. They have shared so much and as a new person there, I am sure they're wary of me. I don't blame then. I'd feel the same way. Sure, they still take notice of me and say hi to me and invite me to go along with them. And yet we just don't get along well. They're my age and they're awesome people, but I'm not as much of a girl as they are.
The adults have been trying to get me to join their activities. My uncle keeps asking me, 'Anna, do you want to join the worship team?' I smile at him and say, 'I'll see.' This has happened more than three times. Another nice lady has been inviting me to join some Bible study group with the other girls. And I'm like, 'Oh, I'll join next Sunday.' Of course, I've never joined the group. I ended up joining something called the Genesis study. I find it pretty awesome and not at all boring. Nah, I do not have any friends there. I do participate during the lesson which gets the whole group cracking up. And yet I want something deeper than hi-hello-bye-see-you-next-Sunday.
In the meantime, while friends are not yet in sight, I have just been pretty cordial to everyone. Been giving gifts when babies are born. I've greeted people a happy birthday. For Christmas, everyone got a candy cane. And for Easter they're all getting Easter eggs. I go there every Sunday wishing that somehow someone finds it in them to talk to me. I have talked to almost everyone in that place and I'm wishing that at least one of them will have the guts to call me their friend. Heck, why go to church there even if it rocks when it can get so lonely?
And so dear God, please give me someone to talk to in that church!