Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Window

You'll get this if you watch How I Met Your Mother.

She met him while the window was closed.

She walked through the room and he was standing across her. He had a red shirt on. She was wearing a black shirt. She remembers that she prayed to God for him. 'I want him so badly. Would you give him to me? If not him, then maybe a person like him would be nice too,' she prayed. He didn't look like any of the guys she had fallen for in the past. It was his voice that she would never forget. And for around two hours or so, she let herself focus on him and what he was doing and saying and acting out. He was fascinating!

He was introduced to her by her dad. He had this beautiful smile that could only have come from a real joy that he was experiencing. He had an accent that would make one think that he was not from the Philippines. It was as if his eyes could see through minds and hearts and emotions. When he first talked to her, she tried not to look directly into his eyes for she was already falling for him. She hoped that he would not be able to detect a slight change in her voice and actions so that her fascination for him would still be her secret.

For a few weeks after that first encounter, she kept seeing him week after week. One time, while she was getting coffee, he was there making tea. She smiled at him and he acknowledged her presence. 'So it would be nice if we could hang out some time,' he told her. She nodded, but did not say anything. He continued by saying, 'Maybe we could jam a little or sing together.' All she could think of doing was smiling and nodding her head. She really wanted to say yes, yet she didn't know how to play the guitar or the piano. And sing? Sure, she composed songs. But she was quite shy to share her compositions with a guy whose songs touched so many people's hearts.

She met him while the window was half open.

She walked through the room and he was standing across her. It had been about three or four years since the last time she saw him. She rarely though of him. She had in fact forgotten about her selfish prayer to God about her wanting that guy. She had messed up her life by dating all the guys she could find. And she was at the point of wanting to end the confusion that engulfed her. Seeing him was like seeing hope that was there for her to seek out but never really have. 

He had changed. A lot. He was older. He gained a few pounds. He had hair growing out from all sorts of places on his face. His smile was one that was trying to believe that happiness was on its way to find him. He appeared to be living but dead on the inside. His words spoke to many, but he was making an effort to believe the very words he spoke. His eyes lacked the faith he once had in what he could not see.

Oh, she longed to love him! How she longed to love him. She knew that only love would get him back on track. Only love would bring life to his dying spirit. But was it her love that he needed? Or was he waiting for the love of another who so often rejected the very things that he lived for? She asked herself why he was wasting time loving someone who did not share his same belief. She wondered how someone so devout could blind himself for the girl he chose to love. 

She met him while the window was open.

And she heard it with her own ears. He was not in a relationship. He did not have a girl friend. He was not waiting for her. He was moving on and letting go. He seemed ready to accept the fact that the relationship he had was a failure and had ended. He was sadder than he thought he was. He was not his usual self and everyone around him knew it. He was go on with his life without any purpose at all. She wondered if his purpose in life was just to love but never have the love that he wanted badly. 

During this time, she spent some time with him. Situations where she had to talk to him began popping up out of nowhere. At first it was just a simple hi or bye. And then it became something like, 'How are you?' or 'How's life?' After that, they began talking about their favorite books, how much they detest vampires, their love for dragons, how they cannot understand why people love tea, why God does not give them what they ask for and how they would like to dye. She opened up to him about her plan to become the queen of the universe and ban children from going to school. He laughed at this and asked her to make him in charge of the army when she was queen.

It took her a lot of self control not to ask for his number or add him on Twitter. Normally, that would have been the fist thing she would have done with any ordinary guy she was interested in. But this guy was not just any ordinary guy. He was a guy. Some guy. A guy you didn't want to mess with because just being considered his friend was already a consolation.

She met him while the window was closed.

He fell in love again. And being the good friend that she was supposed to be, she watched him love another while she buried her love for him.  It wasn't that hard to do actually. She just distanced herself from him. When he would approach her, she'd go in the opposite direction. Each time he tried to catch her eye, she'd just look away casually. For several weeks, he stopped trying to contact her as things were getting too awkward already. 

But then, she realized that maybe she wasn't meant to be with him but she was meant to just love him. With that bewildering thought, she reached out to him once again to do her best to save the friendship that was there. And then things went back to normal. When she would see him, he would rush to her to ask about the latest book she had finished reading. He would offer his opinion about a movie he saw and why she should or should not see it. She found herself talking to him non stop about some story she was writing. And he would listen intently laughing at the fact that she thought her story was brilliant.

They sit next to each other and they talk about their newest ideas. All their friends see it as something and give each other knowing looks. She has long given up on this fantasy that he might one day fall for her. He has stopped asking her why she continues to turn down guys and why she will not give relationships a try again. Their friends have stopped pestering them to get together because they know that nothing will be done about what they feel. A phone rings. It's his phone. He pulls it out of his pocket. It's some other girl's name on the screen. It's his girl calling him. 'Excuse me,' he says to her and the others present. He smiles at her. He gets up, walks to the door and answers the call.

She laughs at her folly.

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