Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I Don't Do Drama

I really don't.

I wish I had worn my shirt that says, 'I don't do drama.' Usually when I use that shirt, people stop and read it. After they read it, they stare at me. If I had used that shirt today, it would have been the perfect tool to be able to tell a person off without exactly saying anything to the person. I would have just had to shove the shirt in front of her face to make sure that she got the message. What exactly is making me so annoyed? A woman and her words.

The church I go to has taught me how to kneel for worship before God. I used to hate kneeling. I never really did it before. Yet when I moved to this church I am now in, the pastor, who happens to be my uncle, told me that kneeling is the best position to worship God. I tried it once and never regretted it. Since that time, it has become my routine to really kneel while giving praise and thanks to God. Almost everyone in church does it so I am rather used to seeing people kneel and am also used to kneeling.

My parents have been attending a workshop these past few days. Yesterday, I didn't join their morning worship. I stayed outside and played games on the laptop. This morning, I was also going to do the same thing. But a person invited me to attend the worship. I had no choice but to attend. Don't get me wrong. I like attending worship. I just didn't think that I would be allowed to attend their worship. 

The worship leader kept on singing slow songs. I sang along during the first song. I didn't really know the lyrics so I just invented some of the words. The first song finished and the second song started. I had found a lyric sheet. So I sang along and I really had the urge to kneel. So I did. I knelt down and put the lyric sheet on the floor. I was there worshiping and praising and just having a thankful heart. The song ended. I stood up. And then this woman comes to me and puts her hands around me. 

What was this woman doing? She was kinda hugging me but it was an uncomfortable hug. I thought that she was praying for me. Maybe she was. But she was (as the Christians call it) speaking in tongues. Are you kidding me?! I kept on trying to get her to stop hugging me. She could have just extended her hand towards me so that she wouldn't have to touch me. After a few minutes, she began praying for me in English. She said something like, 'You don't need to impress God.' Me? Impressing God?

The tears began to fall. No, I wasn't crying because what she said had touched me or because what she said had comforted me. I was crying because I was so damn hurt by what she had told me. If she only knew that if I wanted to impress God I wouldn't have even knelt down in the first place. I would have just stood there and made fun of everyone in that room. Since the woman noticed that I was crying, she shook me and tried to get me 'slain.' I wasn't about ready to get slain when she just hurt me by her really weird words.

The woman opened her mouth to speak again. 'You don't have to be like your parents because you are a different person,' she said. I wanted to tell her something like, 'You know what, you are just really creeping me out. Please just shut the hell up because you aren't making any sense to me at all.' It's easy to assume that I am trying to be like my dad and my mom. But if you know me well enough, you'd also know that I am a totally different person from my parents. Sure, I am also into the arts and education. Yet I am not trying to be like them. I am trying to learn from them and help them in their many projects. Why? Because I want to. 

Let's just say that right now I am really turned off with Christians. The freaking sh*t. There is no right or wrong way to worship. No one else can judge a person's heart except God. If the person really is just kneeling to impress God or people, that's the person's problem. Lots of people think that they have heard from God and that God told them to tell this to some other person. Are you sure about that? You might just be using God's name as an excuse to tell someone what you think about them. People who do that just suck. They really do.

I do not do drama before God.

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