Packing My Life

5:28PM
The neighbors cannot really sing in tune. And they're drunk.

5:50PM
Yesterday, mom said that in about three weeks we're moving out. Might as well pack.
So basically, my things are still in boxes 'cause I never unpacked my stuff which was to go to Singapore.

6:10PM
So I ate all those hotdogs to get Avengers toys I now am throwing away? How messed up am I anyway?

6:30PM
Leo and I have absolutely no pictures together. We have no tangible proof of our friendship. Come to think of it, he looks like Ramon Bautista. Definitely not hot. I miss chatting with him though. Must bug him as soon as I get the chance. I really want to see him angry in person. Must.

6:45PM
Holy crap! I must thank my most recent ex boyfriend for getting me into collecting Mr. Potato Heads. Funny thing is that they're my most valuable things and they are so light. Speaking of that particular ex, I still have the two Mr. Potato Heads he gave me and the yellow camera. Everything else is gone.

6:50PM
I am finding it easier to throw things away now.

6:52PM
Inna, why do you always have rashes? Text me! Am bored.

7:02PM
How could I like that guy for six years? What if we eventually get together? That would be hilarious. Good thing I am not with any of my ex boyfriends anymore. I think they were all the reachers. Sucks.

7:09PM
I've got an extra Bible here which I dislike. Also got those religious books people give me. I might go to hell if I burn them.

7:11PM
There's a creepy spider down my bra. Ugh.


7:14PM
I really want to ask Jani if her exams are done. So I have kept almost everything that Jani has given me. She went through this phase where all she gave me were breakable objects. I even have these ugly pictures of ourselves when we were in Laguna. How long ago was that? How did we become friends?

7:21PM
I need a guy like Mr. Big from Sex and the City.

7:29PM
King of Anything is playing. Ada and Tea would be singing along to this. Gusto wouldn't care. I freaking miss them. Am really glad I got close to them although I can never curse when I am with them. All their drawings are so precious. I cried when I saw the card they gave me.

7:36PM
Oh, that best friend. Might as well keep all her letters to me. I wonder if we can ever get along again.

7:45PM
I really wanna ask JM if we were on drugs while we were in grade school. For some reason we had a lot of anger in our system. Well, we still might have anger in us but we just hide it well. Crap, he sucks at writing letters! I miss him.

7:57PM
So there are the letters Jhamz gave me! And the dolls. And the stuffed toys. And the random things I still keep 'cause she gave them to me. I wish I had a picture of the time she treated me out to Mang Inasal. And also the time she treated me to McDo after one break up. Holy crap.

8:07PM
Bad idea. Getting asthma.

8:15PM
My life is all in boxes. And I need more plastic boxes. Let's put fragile tape on all the sides of the plastic boxes.

8:30PM
How could people ever like my fanfic? It sucks! I need to tell Keisi it sucks.

8:35PM
Seeing all these old pictures of myself freaks me out. There were times I looked so ugly. There were times I looked human. And still there were times I looked more than human.

8:55PM
I do not want to remember the time I had to celebrate my eighteenth birthday. Had some sort of Jewish celebration 'cause maybe my mom is Jewish. Threw out everything connected to it. Just kept the awesome thing Manong Renzo made for me, some cards from my immediate family and close friends. The rest? Into the trash bin.

9:01PM
Found these old religious journals of mine. I was such a holy kid. Yuck.

9:21PM
Am I lucky or what? Did not find any lizards or cockroaches while packing and moving stuff!

9:26PM
Just realized that my parents do not know that I am packing. Holy macaroons!

9:30PM
I think I never really unpacked my stuff which was boxed up to be sent to Singapore because I knew that I would one day  move out of this place again.

9:50PM
How on earth do I get all the dust off my body? I like peeing in the shower. Gross. My only problem with conditioner on my hair is that it's so hard to wash off. I end up leaving most of it there.

9:55PM
HOW COULD I LIKE THAT GUY FOR SIX YEARS?! Oh. Please. Dear. God. (And just in case that guy reads this. . Every time I see you I want the earth to swallow me up because.)


10:02 PM
Let's get loud! Let's get loud! I still have stuff lying around my room! And I have no more plastic boxes. Lots of fragile tape though.

10:05PM
Yuck. Four boxes of trash. Maybe I should burn it tomorrow.

10:25PM
I should paint my room before I leave. Maybe leave a fucked up message on it or something. Must think of something witty.

10:36PM
Have to text message Inna to tell her that I now have rashes also. Must not tell her that I am packing.

10:37PM
None of my friends know that I might be out of this place in a few short weeks.

Random Thoughts While Walking

Had to stare at ourselves while thanking Christ that we can come as we are.

Me: 'Isn't it hilarious how Christ tells us not to judge others, but that is exactly what we do?'
Jani: 'When they're being real we judge them. When they're being fake we judge them.'
Me: 'Actually, God doesn't judge us. He won't judge us until the very end.'
Jani: 'He gives us so much time to learn, grown and make mistakes.'

I forgot the instructions to this one!

Jani: *puts coin into Ambition.*
Me: 'I already put one!'
Jani: 'It's not the same. You put in Security. I put in Ambition.'
Me: 'There's one for Intimacy! Gimme another coin!'
Jani: *laughs* 'Ohmygawd.' 
Me: *falls to the ground laughing* 
People stare.
Me: 'What? Even Jesus need people around him!'

                
               We were made to carry a small pebble and to another station as it symbolized those people we did not like.

Jani: 'I don't really know why I hated her, but I did.'
Me: 'I know exactly why I hated her, but I didn't forgive.'
Jani: 'I said sorry.'
Me: 'I shall forgive.

 

                   
                Supposed to carry the cross, but it was SO FREAKING HEAVY!

Me: 'Imagine, Jesus was bleeding and his body was aching when he had to carry the cross!'
Jani: 'That's so ouch, man.'
Me: 'When your body aches, it's so hard to stand straight.'
Jani: 'And he had to carry the cross!'
Me: 'Exactly! Plus the sin of the entire human race!'
Jani: 'Physically that would be so ouch.'
Me: 'Plus the emotional burden. Such a humbling thought.'

                Write down your own prayer request, pick out a request from a stranger and then pray for the person.

Me: 'This is so cool! This is so cool! This is so cool!'
Jani: 'The table is hot. Cannot right!'
Me: 'I want a short prayer request!'
Jani: 'The table is hot!'
Me: 'I wonder who will pray for me.'
Jani: 'A stranger!'

                Had to hammer our 'sin' to a cross.

Me: 'I don't know how to hammer stuff.'
Jani: 'You can do it!'
Me: 'My sin put Christ on the cross.'
Jani: 'He paid for us, but we put him there.'
Me: 'But it's great to know that past, present and future sin has been paid for by Christ.'
Jani: 'We don't have to do anything to get rid of the sin except repent!'

               Say stuff you wanna say to your moms.

Me: 'My mom is at Fully Booked.'
Jani: 'My mom is at home.'
Me: 'I rarely have mushy talks with my mom or my parents.'
Jani: 'Me too! It's just too hard!'
Me: 'They might think I'm faking.'
Jani: 'It's just too hard!' 

              Write the names of the people you want to thank Christ for.

Me: 'Do I write your name?'
Jani: 'Duh.'
Me: 'This is too easy!'
Jani: 'There are too many people to thank.'
Me: 'I just have a few.'
Jani: 'Do I write Leo's name?'
Me: 'I didn't.'
Jani: 'Bad girl!'

                Have some communion!

Me: 'Yesterday, I had communion wine that had alcohol.'
Jani: 'You're drunk!'
Me: 'I mean, I had communion juice, but they put real wine in it!'
Jani: 'No wonder you're so weird now.' 

A Bunch Of Flowers

It's V-Day.

It's the day when couples go out on dates and momentarily forget about their problems. It's the day when teen boys go to the high school of their girlfriend to drop off some flowers, a box of chocolates and a toy bear. It's the day when teen girls expect that their boyfriend gives them something even if it's as stupid as some candy which can be consumed in less than five minutes. It's the day when college students try to get their professor to cancel class because they've got to rush to some date with some person. It's the day when adults try to leave their children at home to go on a rare date by themselves. It's the day when all those people in a relationship do things single people will never be able to understand.


Girls who have boyfriends (or girlfriends) look forward to this day. They constantly find ways to remind their partner about this day. And they make it very clear that if their partner forgets about this day, they will be in huge trouble. Among their girl friends, they fantasize about their date with the person they love. A few days before this day, they watch movies about love, listen to songs about love and do all things related to love. On the day itself, they make themselves really pretty and really presentable just in case their guy (or girl) drags them off on a date. Some girls try to act like they are not into celebrating V-Day. Don't be fooled. They're just too shy to admit that they actually like getting flowers and all that cheap chocolate the guy has to give. 

I Love New Year

Totally late post.

Consceience: 'Forgot all about this already, huh?'
Me: 'I forget things when it's convenient.'
Consceince: 'Gawd. You are insane.'
Me: 'Not as insane as you are.'

I also forget about answers to exam questions, the birthdays of my friends and certain dates people deem important. Some things I will never forget are names of restaurants, brands of hair color, urls of blogs I read, characters in the series I watch and how much money I have in the bank. I'll forget homework, requirements, papers, reports and all those school stuff. But I won't forget the names of those terrible professors who give everyone a hard time. I will forget everything I tweet on Twitter, all those statuses I've made, all the blog entries I've posted and all those Flickr pictures I uploaded. Yet I will never forget my passwords. Seriously.

Consceince: 'Any New Year's resolutions?'
Me: 'I have one which I am trying to keep.'
Consceince: 'I doubt you'll be able to do that.'
Me: 'Wanna bet?'

2012

It happens every year.

My dad has this awesome idea that at the end of each year we're all supposed to say thanks for the things that happened. After giving thanks, he then proceeds to ask us our goals and our plans for the new year. He writes down these goals and plans in one of his notebooks. And then I think he just forgets about it because I've never heard him bring up our past goals. Or maybe he remembers then but just prays about them or whatever. One day, I shall ask him what he does with the list of goals we make every year.


This year, we sat down to dinner and my dad suddenly announced that we would be giving thanks right after. It was only December 30 and I was about to say that it was too early to give thanks and make plans. Truth is, I never make a plan for the new year. I just go with the flow and see where it takes me. So I wasn't able to invent any plan for my dad to write down. And giving thanks for the year that is coming to its end was the last thing I wanted to do. Mom wasn't really in the mood to talk and think. I guess when papa saw that no one was in the mood for his new year invented tradition, he got so annoyed that he just stormed out of the dinning room. I stared at mom and thought, 'Gee. This happens every year.' Mom was too tired to respond that she went upstairs and fell asleep before I could bug her about buying more candies to give random people. I lingered around the dinning table thinking about the year that was slowing slipping away.

Hilarious Christmas

It could have been better.

I don't want to say that this Christmas was a sad one. Neither do I want to say that this Christmas was a happy and an exciting one. It was somewhere in between. It was as if Christmas decided that it would fool the crap out of me and my family. Like it was playing tricks on us and we had no choice but to play along and endure the tricks that were being thrown at us. 


The day before Christmas, we found ourselves crying at church for Hannah Bea. She is my older sister who passed away. I thought that mom and papa were over it already. I guess it's true when people say that you never get over death, but you just try your best to forget about it ever happening. Although I never knew Hannah Bea, I felt extremely sad seeing my parents cry for her. I was thinking, 'If she didn't die, mom and papa wouldn't have had me. I'm only here because she's dead.' In a way, I am on this earth to try and replace the sadness my parents felt when they lost her. That thought just made me break down in tears.

Thanksgiving 2011

This was supposed to be a Thanksgiving post.

I am thankful for family. This year, the word family became real to me. Before, family was just a word I'd throw around to describe the people I live with. Now, family is much more than that. So what does family mean to me? They are people who give up their comfort just to ensure that you will be comfortable. It is love without limit and without expectation. A place where you can sing at the top of your lungs in an off key voice and they will still listen to you. A home that is the breeding ground for peace, hope, joy and faith.


Aside from moving in with my brother, I've made an effort to get to know my cousins. This year, I've been chatting a lot with Corina. We used to talk about K-Pop a lot. And then somehow we found out that we have a lot in common. We have lost our best friends, we hate statistics and we like hot guys. I was able to visit my other cousin, Megan, when I was in Bacolod. She introduced me to a new series called Castle. Every Sunday, I get to see three more cousins. Although I don't get to talk to all of them, it's fun to see them every week.


I am thankful for faith. After being a Christian, then person-into-witchcraft, then atheist, I thought it was high time to finally make up my mind. Finally decided to be a person who has faith in a Supreme Being. No, I am not a Christian. No, I am not a Catholic. I am a person who believes in God and his word, a person who goes to church and a person who tries to live out her faith. Do not confine me to one religion. 

Maybe moving church has done me some good. I am now able to express my faith freely in any manner I choose. I am finally in an environment where they don't care about what color my hair is, how many piercings I have, what I wear and those annoying external things we should not base salvation on. Having someone to talk to about my faith makes it somehow easier to live it. Knowing that there are people who want me to explore my faith help me get into it.

I am thankful for friends. The other day, I was counting how many friends I have in school. I realized that I have around twenty five to thirty new friends. I also have those random people in class who just choose to talk to me when they feel like it. In church, there are times they'll just come up to me and make small talk. Those people who take time to just smile and ask me how I am are so awesome. They are kinda like angels on earth God sent for a specific reason.


And then I've got those really good friends who don't care if I'm like crap. Those people who drop everything when I tell them to go online and chat with me. They stay up late sometimes just to keep me company while I do my papers. That person who constantly bugged me until we became very good friends. That girl who I trust with my life. I cannot imagine my life without those people. 


I am thankful for fun! Life can get so stressful and so boring. I sometimes need fun things to get my life going. Fun things like collecting Starbucks stickers, watching a movie, buying lots of books, going to the park, eating chocolate cake, painting my nails, drinking Coke, making plans and singing made up songs. I made up my mind a few months ago not to take life too seriously. Don't study too much. Get rid of activities that are non-sense. Just focus on the important things. And then add some fun into that.