Shakes Head

Conscience:  How's life so far?
Me: You call this life?
Conscience:  College. 
Me: Terrible.

It's so terrible that every time someone asks me if I am enjoying college I want to puke. I see my professors and try to give them the answers they want to hear. All I really want to tell them is that in a few years everything they taught me would have been obsolete already. The dean sees me at least once a week and tells me, "Anna, I am so proud of you." I smile and say thanks. What I really want to say is, "I can't wait to get out of here!" The guards look at me and wonder, "When are you graduating?" I want to tell them I am asking the same question. My parents ask me every week what's going on in college. I give them the same boring answers. Exams. Quizzes. Reports. Walk outs. Drama. My friends tell me that I don't belong in the college I find myself in. I cry on their shoulders and they tell me things will be alright. I want to get out. I am trapped in a prison of uniforms, no hair dye, specific black shoes, curfews, rules and everyhting else you can name that has made my mind go insane. I just need art.

Conscience: You need art. You need art?
Me: Paintings. Words. Colors. People. 
Conscience:  And you don't have that there?
Me: *shakes head*

Dapat kasi nag enroll ka sa non traditional college! And where in the name of Hades would that get me in this country? I am dying because the words here are words that have no more meaning and are just put together to form a sentence to get a grade. The words here are too structured that they have no life in them anymore. Colors are questioned or laughed at. They are viewed as rebellion or defying authority. No colors. People are too caught up with grades, love and little dumb things that clutter up their lives and then consume them.  And I try my best to blend in or fit in, but I can't and they know I won't. I realize that without words and colors and people who also need words and colors, I cannot function. Been stocking up on art books. Spending all my free time online looking for and at art. Reading words and trying to come up with some. Spending more and more time with people who can breathe some life into me.

Conscience: What have you been up to?
Me: Contemplating life.
Conscience:  You confused?
Me: Shut up. Percy Jackson is awesome!

The only thing that made me happy after a long time of feeling nothing was when my parents and I watched Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters last Sunday. I had to drag my parents to watch it with me because my friends are not into this Greek mythology thing. Yes, I have weird and sad friends. Anyway, I was so happy that I didn't even let it bother me that there were noisy children in the theater. Fine. So the movie wasn't as exciting as the book, but it was a lot better than the first Percy Jackson movie. Thank heavens! I wanna watch it again, but I don't wanna watch it alone. So I just might bribe some people to watch it with me. I am that desperate.

Conscience: Uhm. .
Me: And to make myself happier I decided to go minimalist.
Conscience: Will you shut up about it?
Me: No. Talking about it helps me convince myself that it's the right thing to do.

 Basically, I haven't started cleaning out my closet and giving or throwing most of my things away. I don't really live where all my things are. So am planning to get rid of tons of stuff this weekend. I've been checking out tons of blogs to see if I'm on the right path. Seems that I am. I told some of my friends what am up to and they all said that if I was throwing away my books, they want them. Parents don't really care. Me? Am so excited. Maybe by going minimalist I'll forget how terrible college is right now.

Around Four Months Down The Drain

Conscience: 'You must be pretty sad that journalism is over.'

Me: 'Rather sad that Miss de Villa will not be my professor again.'

Conscience: 'You had two semesters with her.'

Me: 'Almost a year with her!'

Although Journalism was harder than Creative Writing, it was such a fun class! All we really had to do was write, write, write and make exactly one video. I guess the reason I totally respect the professor who taught this class was because she never put anyone down. Yes, she had comments and suggestions, but she did not make us feel bad about our mistakes. Another reason she is awesome is because she watches The Newsroom! We did not really have a last class because our room had to be used. Miss de Villa walked in and said, 'Girls, just submit your papers.' I asked her if I would see her next semester and she said, 'Most of you girls will be in my Creative Writing class so see you. Anna, good-bye. I've had you for a year already.' And I was and still am like, 'Noooooo!'  =(

Conscience: 'Don't you have a video of your movement dance?'

Me: 'My friend has it. Am too lazy to ask her to pass it on to me.'

Conscience: 'So you'll just put a picture--'

Me: 'Of a person who made sure that I did not drop out of that class!'

Movement class was almost like ballet! I did enough ballet to know all of the things she was teaching the class. I don't really have the body of a ballerina, but my head knows the dance steps and all those things she made us do. Knowing the dance steps still did not give me enough reason to love movement class. In fact, I used up my two cuts just so that I could stay home and not work my body to death. In the end, practicing paid off because our dance was pretty good. It was not perfect, but let's just say that I am ecstatic that this class is over! Do not remind me that there are two more movement classes I have to take before I graduate.

 

Conscience: 'And you thought that AVP 1 would be hard!'
Me: 'I really dreaded that class!'
Conscience: 'You did so well! How could you dread it?'
Me: 'Coming up with a design every week was taxing.'

I know how to use Photoshop, but I am not good at it. It did not really help that the professor did not teach the basics. Or maybe she did and I was not listening. Almost every other week we had a project to submit. The professor would give us guidelines, we would have to make whatever she requested and hope for the best. Being the lazy person that I am, I usually just put some crap together and prayed for a good grade. And I did get a good grade! Our last class was yesterday, Monday. I got to the room early and saw my grades. I noticed that my name was highlighted in blue. 'Those whose names are highlighted in blue get an award,' Miss Garcia said. Are you serious? Fine. I knew I was doing something right when I saw my work on the mini exhibit in school.

Conscience: 'Describe your Political Science class.'

Me: 'This was the class I became friends with Char, ate tons of food and rarely listened to the professor.'

Conscience: 'Describe the professor.'

Me: 'We called him Father Coco.' 

 

Conscience: 'Every Monday and Friday, you ended your day with Oral Communication. How was that?'

Me: 'Frustrating. I had to stop myself from running out of that class.'

Conscience: 'You hated it? You found it boring? You did not like the professor? Or you just really wanted to get out of the class?'

Me: 'It was at a time where all I wanted to do was sleep.'

I could lie and say that I enjoyed this class, but I think that would not be fair. On the first day of Oral Communication, I knew that I would find reasons not to like the class. I do like talking, but it's hard when a professor grades what you are talking about and how you are talking. When I got my grade for midterms I was devastated. It was not that low. It was not that high. It was those pwede na grades that professors give out. I did complain, but when I found out the grades of my classmates, I shut up. There were people who got lower than me. So yesterday, Monday, at around three something in the afternoon, I was begging God to work some miracle and get me a higher grade. I actually smiled at the professor to thank her when she gave me my grade.

 

Conscience: 'You almost had a problem with Women in Philippine Literature.'
Me: 'I had a problem with it.'
Conscience: 'Care to elaborate?'

Me: 'Maybe in another post.'

This subject just required us to read, read and read. It was a rather easy subject if you followed the instructions of the professor and if you did everything her way. She was strict, but I think people need to have professors who are strict to show that you cannot get away with everything. I almost died when the professor questioned my novel analysis because another girl had the same book I had to review. But I stood my ground and she accepted my paper after some investigation as done. Today was the culminating activity. It was nothing great really and I had to pretend to know some songs in Filipino. The whole class was just clapping for we were so glad this class was over! To pass this class, all one has to do is follow the professor. 

Conscience: 'Feeling happy about your Intro to Communication Theories?'

Me: 'Happy that we had no quizzes, just did easy papers and had a final video? Yes!'
Conscience: 'Did you learn anything at all?'
Me: 'I loved the theories! I even got a pdf of the book the professor used. I plan to read it during the sem break.'

Yes, I am a nerd like that. No one really had to have the book. But theories intrigue me. I sent papa to look for the book everywhere. Mom also searched for the book. I bugged the professor to give me a copy of the pdf she had. After bugging her for two weeks, she gave me a copy. And yes, I plan to read the whole book this sem break just for the heck of it. Intro to Communication Theories was one subject in which all you needed to pass was a brain and ears. Sucks if you've got ears but your brain is missing. 

Too Awesome

Conscience: 'How are the grades?'
Me: 'Grades disgust me.'
Conscience: 'We all know that!'
Me: 'Happy. Content.'

I was never bothered by grades. If I got high, it meant nothing. If I got a low score, it also meant nothing. The midterm grades came out about a week or two ago. Nothing is new. I can kind of tell the grades that I will get at the start of the semester. Got a couple of one point somethings. Got one two. And got one two point five. Am I bothered that I got a two point five? Why would I be bothered when I most of the people in my block got a three? To top it all, those people who got a three went to that class from the first day and I only started going to that class in July. Those people never missed a quiz and I missed about two. So how can I complain or be unhappy with the two point five that I have?

Conscience: 'Tell me about the play you did.'
Me: 'What's there to tell about it?'
Conscience: 'How did it go?'
Me: 'Let's just say that I am not proud of it.'

The group I was in did the play Condemned. It is about Pablo who is set to be put to death, but cannot forgive his mother. The story takes place one hour before his execution. It's a nice play! I would like to think that our group did the best we could possibly do considering the time constraints we faced and other things like the monsoon rains and blah blah blah. I say that I am not proud of it because I did a terrible job portraying the main character. Not that I did not know my lines, but because I had to pretend to be a guy. I did not do that well. Of all the plays I have done in my entire life the only thing I can say about this play is that the people portraying the characters did not fully grasp the characters' predicament. Including me. Am just glad that papa did not see me in this one. No worries though because I enjoyed my group mates and we had a heck of a time with the play. =))

Conscience: 'You went to the WNCAA game.'
Me: 'Had to go. Was required to go.'
Conscience: 'For your clearance.'
Me: 'It's dumb. Really dumb.'

Oh my gawd. If I find out that there are people who are able to get their clearance without going to six hour vigils and WNCAA games, I will totally freak out. I had to drag my parents with me to watch some soccer game last Sunday. It was quite enjoyable because I used to do soccer in grade seven and some of high school. Papa just sat around reading some newspaper. And mom brought her breakfast basket and had some bread with Conti's spread. I watched. It was hard to cheer for Assumption when La Salle was playing. La Salle was good. They won. I found it a little sad that non one really watched the games.

Conscience: 'What have the kids been up to now?'
Me: 'The usual crazy but cute things they do!'
conscience: 'Like?'
Me: 'Like giving all of us heart attacks when they do headstands.'

Gusto has now learned how to pose for Photo Booth. Every day he has to have his picture taken. He comes to me and says, 'Tia Anna! Want picture. One. Two. Three. Cheese!' And so we run to the Mac and take pictures for around five minutes. I love the fact that he knows exactly when to disturb me. Yes, he bothers me when I am busy doing something, but he is too cute so I let him bother me. Téa is now into Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The old movie. I think she got into it because Ada read the book and their mom downloaded the old movie. The old movie? Yeah, we find it better than the new one. And the songs are just perfect!
 

Conscience: 'It was your mom's birthday.'
Me: 'It was. We had wonderful food and gossip.'
Conscience: 'You said that Téa made your life hard.'
Me: 'Because she did!'

I don't want the public to see the video, but we ended up making a video for mom. See, mom just wanted some birthday cards from the three kids. But when I asked Téa to make one she said, 'Let's make a video!' I told her she was making my life hard. And she replied by saying that she was just making my life nicer. What a kid! I crammed the video and showed it to mom on her birthday. She loved it! Later that day, we ate out and had some ramen. We also had tempura ice cream. I think the kids made mom most happy that day. ^_^

Conscience: 'Let's talk about--'
Me: 'I forgot!'
Conscience: 'Growing old much?'
Me: 'Ada lost a tooth!'  

Ada lost a tooth! Yes, this is big news because this means that she really is growing up. The funny this is that she made a letter to the tooth fairy. She asked the tooth fairy for a toy. And then said said something like, 'Please also take me into the cartoons!' I laughed out loud when I heard that one! I guess she is so into cartoons because she just loves Adventure Time. When her parents explained to her that the tooth fairy had limited powers and could only give out money, Ada said, 'Oh, how foolish of me!'

Conscience: 'How are your friends?'
Me: 'What friends? But seriously, they are doing awesome.'
Conscience: 'You miss them.'
Me: 'Terribly.'

Jhamz does not have any WiFi at the moment. I have no been able to talk to her for about a week or two. It already feels like I have not talked to her in months! JM and I bug each other if we catch each other online on Facebook. Jani and I are constantly bothering each other in a totally friendly way. I bug her more than she bugs me. And I have to remind myself to make her birthday gift already. Ohmygawd. Camille! Camille is one highly creative person. Do not mess with her. I need to see her soon to come up with more crazy ideas. Maybe on the 22nd. Maybe.

Conscience: 'Well, that's all for now.'
Me: 'Wait!'
Conscience: 'What's up?'
Me: 'Miss De Villa watches Newsroom!'

She totally made my day yesterday! She asked the class to write some article and to submit it by twelve noon. All the other students left the classroom. Char and I stayed behind as we had to talk to her. After talking to her I suddenly blurted out, 'Miss De Villa, do you watch Newsroom?' She said, 'Yes!' And I shit you not when I say that I literally shrieked with joy! Miss De Villa laughed and said, 'I wait for a new episode every Wednesday!' And I was like, 'Ohmygawd. This is too awesome.' 

I guess that's how my life has been lately. Too awesome.

A Six Hour Vigil and Assumption Tarts

Conscience: 'What finally made you go to the six hour mass vigil which started at around 2:30pm and ended at 8:30pm yesterday?'  

Me: 'My wonderfully witty niece named Ada.' 

Conscience: 'She is brilliant!' 

Me: She got me to feel guilty. I hate that feeling.'

Who wants to be bored for six hours? I ran around the house yesterday yelling, 'I hate six hour mass vigils!' Somehow Ada heard me and said, 'That's like saying that for six hours you hate God.' And I was so taken aback by her statement that I decided to go to the six hour mass vigil even if I wanted to go back home and sleep. The more I thought about her statement, the more it made sense. And so I had no choice but to make my way to school and participate in the six hour long prayers and mass and singing. The main reason I had to attend the vigil was because I intentionally skipped my year's general assembly. I think I was so hungry that day that they had it and they had it at lunch tine. So I skipped it. When I got my clearance for midterms, the lady told me that because I skipped the general assembly, I had to attend the vigil. And I was like, 'Bring it on!' Because really, anything is better than attending a general assembly in which you have to act nice to strangers who pretend to like you.

Conscience: 'Why did you not want to go?' 

Me: 'Wh would want to go?'  

Conscience: 'No, really.'  

Me: 'SIX FREAKING HOURS.'

Like, who would seriously want to be in a vigil for six freaking hours? I am not a Catholic so I do not know anything about vigils, confession and everything religious! I get scared out of my wits when the priest asks us h confess and I sit there not knowing what to say. I get embarrassed when the whole chapel is singing some song that only I do not know. And let's just say that doing religious stuff is so awkward for me. As much as possible, I try not to get involved with any religious thingamajig. Also, I am just the laziest student you will ever meet. 

Conscience: 'So what happened?' 

Me: 'Terrible, exciting and wonderful things!' 

Conscience: 'Huh?' 

Me: Terrible, exciting and wonderful things!'

Let's just say that for every event during the vigil the students had to sign in and sign out. Funny thing was that I only got my slip of paper where they sign in and sign out after everyone else had signed in. Naturally, the sign in station was closed by the time I went there. So I just went along to the sign out station and explained my side. The officials looked at me with the how-the-heck-did-that-happen-but-we-are-scared-to-get-mad-because-you-look-scary-and-you-speak-well look. They signed my sign out thingamajig and I proceeded to the next event. 

I did not enjoy the vigil, but I enjoyed the photography workshop and the mass after. A photography workshop in the middle of a vigil? Oh yeah! Although I had one semester of photography, I loved the workshop because it was conducted by a professional, but self taught photographer. She was funny. She was human. She had lots of heart. I like professors like that! Why did I enjoy the mass? I actually enjoyed the mass because the ending was perfect! 

Conscience: 'What's with the picture of a tart?' 

Me: 'That was the highlight of my day!' 

Conscience: 'What is it?' 

Me: 'That is the famous Assumption Tart!'

Yes, that is the famous Assumption Tart! I say famous because my mom has been bragging about those tarts ever since I can remember. Mom gushes over those Assumption Tarts like it's a crime if you haven't tasted them. After the mass, the principal who is a nun gave a little speech about how happy she was that we all showed up. We were clapping and all when she said something like, 'Free Assumption Tarts for all!' The more we cheered! And that is how I ended up tasting my first Assumption Tart. 

The funny thing is that it was pouring outside and I had to walk home. That was at around 8:40pm. I had an umbrella, but the rain was strong and I refused to eat my Assumption Tart until I got home because I wanted to take a picture of it. Why? I wanted to show my mom that I finally had tasted it! I was so careful that the rain did not get to it. When I entered the house, Ada and Téa ran to greet me. And they were like, 'What's that? Assumption Tart? Can we have it?' Good thing their mom told them that they could not have it. =) 

I text messaged my mom at 9:04pm yesterday and said, 'After almost seven hours of mass and vigil, the nuns rewarded us with Assumption Tarts! They taste good!' I guess my mom was happy that I went to the vigil 'cause she replied with, ' Hahaha. The Lord will hound you wherever you go and reward you with more than Assumption Tarts!' 

Good-bye, July!

Hello with glasses on!

My strangest fear has always been having to wear glasses. I have been bragging about the fact that I have perfect vision and I can be a pilot just in case I want to get myself in the air force. However, I had been getting these mind blowing headaches that would leave me feeling so out of whack. Got those headaches months ago and I went around asking my friends who had glasses I maybe needed one too. They all told me to see a doctor. Thing is, I hate eye doctors ever since I found out I had optic neuritis. No one wants to be told that they may die or go blind. But the headaches got worse, I could not watch TV, I could not see my laptop's screen and so I dragged myself to the eye doctor. I am living out my strangest fear by wearing glasses from the time I wake up until the time I sleep. 

I am thoroughly impressed with how clear I can now see! I think that makes up for all the cons about wearing these glasses. I still have a hard time finding a way of putting them on my ears so that my hair does not get messed up. I cannot figure out how not to get my glasses all dirty with finger prints and well, dirt. My glasses also love falling off! I find myself constantly pushing them up or putting them back in place. And then I see my classmates and they never have to adjust their glasses. How on earth do they do that? Oh, my mom said that I now look like ugly Betty. 

Lent my cousin, Leni, my camera. It's an Instax Mini 7 which works like a Polaroid. (Yes, a Polaroid is different from an Instax Mini.) Actually, I did not lend it to her. I technically forced her to borrow it from me so she could take awesome shots of France. Lucky her! Ever since I heard that she was leaving for France to study, I had been toying with the idea of lending her one of my lomo cameras. Then, I would see all her tweets on Twitter where she would be mopping about the fact that Polaroids were so expensive, but she wanted one for France. And I was like, 'I haven't used Elya the Instax Mini in months since papa refuses to buy me film! So why don't I just dump it with Leni?' 

And yes, I dumped Elya on her last July 21. Leni was talking to my dad and I ran in with the camera. She saw the camera and said something like, 'Ate, meron siya!' Little did she know that a few seconds later I was gonna be like, 'This is yours for the duration of your stay in France. Fill it with film! Have fun!' When I finally did my dumb little speech, Leni had this shocked look on her face. The look was like I-know-we're-cousins-but-we're-not-that-close-so-why-are-you-lending-this-to-me? Because it's nice to put smiles on other people's faces especially if they're your family! =)

Two B Two. Last semester, I was a totally irregular student. I had about seven different blocks and I was not that friendly. This semester, I am mostly with the block that calls themselves 2B2. They've been totally nice to me since June! But then things kinda changed when we became group-mates for a play. I mean, how can you not open up a little bit to people you have to practice with around two to three times a week? You start talking about s script and then get into talking about K-Pop and then random people and then you find yourself laughing to their jokes and stories. They make classes bearable and projects doable. 


I guess after talking and spending a day with some of them, I realized that people are still kinda alike. We all have dreams. We all like certain books, movies and music. We all crush on so and so. We're all human. So after getting over the oh-she-speaks-english-but-understands-filipino part, it's easier for all of us to get along. And hopefully I get to stay with this block for the rest of my stay in college. That would make things easier for me! 

Have not hung out with my usual gang for a good number of weeks now. After so much drama, Jani and I have learned how not to talk to people when we have so much on our minds. And sometimes it's better to shut up than to explain yourself over and over again to someone who chooses not to understand. Jani and I have been dumping our thoughts on each other and it has become therapy. It's also both a relief and pain to realize that I am the only one who can deal with whatever situation I am in and that no amount of talking about it with other people will make it their problem. I think when Jani and I came to that conclusion, we had this eureka moment! 


Good bye, July! 

What Took Up My Time

Conscience:  'I have not heard from you in ages!' 

Me: 'Sure you have!' 

Conscience: ' No, I have not.' 

Me: 'Shut up and let me type then.'

There is a rabbit, Thunder, who loves annoying my mom. Thunder does not really belong to me. And the only reason Thunder is with me is because it was sleeping in its own poop and I felt so bad for it. Of course, I now wish that I could make Thunder into rabbit stew because it poops too much, it eats too much and it jumps around a lot. It? I have no idea if the rabbit is a boy or a girl. And I am too scared to hold it up to check its gender. But Thunder is so cute! Thunder  stays by the screen door and jumps up and down when she wants food. Thunder also follows me around the patio, chews my slippers, smells my butt and licks my feet. It's almost like having a dog that does not bark. 

Conscience: 'You say that your MacBook is full of Téa's pictures. How true is that?' 

Me: 'Pictures and videos.' 

Conscience: 'Oh. Pictures and videos. Wow.' 

Me: 'Around four hundred fifty pictures and exactly eighty three movies of Téa.'

I wish I could buy Téa her very own iPad. And I am not being mean. I just find it so cute when she steals my Mac, brings it to the living room, looks for props and then proceeds to shoot herself. It would be more convenient if she had her very own iPad and could shoot herself whenever and wherever!  Originally, I was planning to delete some of her shots on Photo Booth. I wanted to delete those that I found odd and repetitive. But then, I remembered that I did not have that many pictures growing up. So even if my laptop is full of her shots and even if I do not have space for more TV shows, I will just leave Téa's pictures on this MacBook. It is kinda nice to view her shots after a long and sad day. 

Conscience: 'Say something about the shoot you and your friends did last Saturday?'

Me: 'My honest opinion?' 

Conscience: 'Or whatever you can say about it!' 

Me: 'Let us see.'

It was not the best shoot, but it also was not the worst. We played in the rain and got sick afterwards. We ate junk food the whole time. We drank Coke. We tried our best to cooperate and not give each other a headache. I hope we succeeded at doing that. I saw the neighbors staring when we were taking some shots. And the guard saw what we were doing. So what did I do the whole time? Let's just say that I tried as much as possible not to be in any of the pictures. I tried. I hate the fact that you gotta prepare for a long time and then it takes hours to shoot. And then at the end of the day, when you see your shots on your laptop, you wonder why you even went through the trouble to do what you just did. And then you wonder if it was worth it.

Veggies and Other Things

Conscience: 'How was the trip to Batangas?'
Me: 'The trip or the stay?'
Conscience: 'You know what I mean. Make my life easier.'
Me: 'HA HA HA.'

Going to my brothers' farm in Batangas was my mom's idea. See, my brothers have this farm and they plant vegetables. Of course, mom wanted to visit the farm and see what was going on. Aren't all moms like that? They like checking out on their kids to see what they're up to. But the farm was great! The workers were harvesting and we were there to pick up the lettuce to bring back to the city. Am not sure how many kilos of lettuce we brought back, but it was a lot. The stay in the farm was pleasant because we just stayed for about two or three hours, had lunch at the restaurant there and we were supposed to swim. But I guess I'll just go back to the farm another day just to swim. Yes, there are two swimming pools there. I think mom just dragged me there to try and convince me to be a farmer like my older brother. LOL.

 

Conscience: 'You never really wanted to be a farmer.'

Me: 'But I wanted to be an environmental scientist.'

Conscience: 'Why didn't you take that up?'

Me: 'I thought the school was boring.'

Yes, I did want to be an environmentalist. And I still do actually. What happened was I took the exam and wrote down mass communication as my course. But when my mom paid the reservation fee, I changed my course to environmental science. At the last minute, I decided not to go to that school and so I ended up taking communication arts. And then I switched school for second year and took up media production. But you know, if they had an honors course and put environmental science and media production together, I would totally take it! I think if I could extend my life a little more and slow things down, I would go back to that school to take that course. Or if there was a real time turner, I'd use it to take more classes. I'm a nerd like that.

There's No Class

Conscience: 'Finish the sentence. The best thing about summer is that. .  .'
Me: 'There's no class.'
Conscience: 'And the worst thing about summer is that. . '
Me: 'There's no class!'

I love summer because I do not have to worry about waking up early, getting assignments done, passing those long quizzes and pleasing those really strict professors. I also do not have to live in two different houses during the week. And yet I miss classes because no classes means that I have to live up here in the mountains without the kids. Honestly, I miss the kids a whole lot! I've been dreaming about Gusto's hugs, Ada's daily Greek mythology classes and Téa's singing. I really want to go to the city and visit them. Never thought that they would take up so much space in my heart. And just in case you're wondering, that picture was taken at 7AM one Monday morning last when all of us were really so sleepy and my hair was still kinda sane. 

Conscience: 'How are your grades!'
Me: 'Mind your own business!'
Conscience: 'I am just asking!'
Me: 'Don't make me nervous!'

I do know that I passed theology because I already saw my grade for that subject.  I am rather nervous for statistics, sociology and history. I am really dumb when it comes to math and I have no idea how I did during the final exam. For sociology, the school has to call me to tell me when I can take the final exam which consists of one questions because I was sick when it was given. And since history was taught in Filipino, I did not really understand a thing the professor was saying. Most of her quizzes were so hard and I just got good grades when it came to projects and that sort of thing. I've been praying so hard that those professors find it in them to pass me. I've made deals with God just so that I do not have to take those subjects again. We'll see. Might get my grades next week.

Three People

Conscience: 'You lost her.'
Me: 'And your point?'
Conscience: 'Your failure.'
Me: 'And then?'

I have been laughing about this for the past three weeks. And then I started some serious crying last Sunday.  It still pains me each time I am reminded that I lost her, but it is comforting to know that this was not my choice. I am just suffering from the effects of her decision. Though it pains me a whole lot to walk away and let things be, I am doing it because it's such a waste of time to fix things when the other person has just given up on the friendship, on me and on herself. I have no idea if we will one day find the courage to speak about this or even try to fix what should be fixed. Even if she fixed it by ending things, nothing is really fixed. It's still there. And will always be there. At least until one of us wants to talk about it.


It's hilarious how someone can make such an impact in your life. And you only realize that they played such a big part when they are gone or when they aren't there to listen to you. Now that she's gone, I cannot believe how much of myself I shared with her. Maybe that's why I find this situation so funny. I expect relationships to end, but I always expect friendships to last. Seems that you put more effort into a friendship than a relationship. When it's a relationship, there's always this this-is-just-a-guy/girl-and-i-can-always-dump-the-person. But when it's a friendship, it's hard to just walk away because no one can ever replace that person.


And now that she's gone, I do regret some things. But what's the use? It's over. 

Not-Makati-Home

Conscience: 'How does it feel to get a gift from someone you've only known for approximately two months?'
Me: 'It feels weird.'
Conscience: 'Good weird? Or bad weird?'
Me: 'Good weird!

An undeserved gift. She gave a gift to a total stranger who just so happened to be me. We're classmates in three subjects, but I don't really know her well and she doesn't really know me also. I just know that she used to have a BlackBerry. I know that she has a  niece. She likes candies. And that's all I really know about her. But we sit next to each other four times a week, give each other yellow pad paper, borrow pens and laugh at hilarious professors.

Cramming At Its Best

Conscience: 'And we have done it again, Anna! Cramming at its best.'
Me: 'Good job!'
Conscience: 'I know right!'
Me: 'We're awesome!'

I had four papers to write. Two for history. One for visual arts. One for Theology. And what was I doing instead of writing them? I was watching The Walking Dead. My brother and my sister in law got me hooked on the series. In fact, I finished one season in three days. It so short that you can finish it in one if you have the time.  I thought that the series would be so scary. It's not. I even end up laughing when they die. Yes, I will now brainwash my friends to watch The Walking Dead with me.

Random Hugs and Three Hours Talks

Conscience: 'Apparently you were in an awful mood last Sunday.'
Me: 'Anong paki mo? Seriously.'
Conscience: 'I was just asking. Wanted to know if I could help.'
Me: 'Help? No one can help. Everyone just makes it worse.'

Seriously. I hate it when people try to cheer me up because they know that I am feeling so bad. There is nothing you can do about my mood swings. There is nothing you can do to make me happy about the fact that someone is such a jerk. There is nothing you can do to make the person change his or her mind about this whole situation. And there is nothing you can do to make me tell myself to snap out of this mood. The only thing you can do is to shut up and never mention this to me again.

Pretending To Be A Superhero

Conscience: 'I thought you wanted to do this at the end of each week?'
Me: 'I did.'
Conscience: 'Well?'
Me: 'Is this your blog?'

I really wanted to do this at the end of the week. The thing is, sleeping and shopping are more exciting things to do than sitting down in front of the laptop to do this entry. I've got all the time in the world to actually do this but I'm never in the mood to sit down and type it out. Once I am in front of my laptop, I end up chatting with my friends, going on Twitter, downloading movies and new episodes and taking vain pictures of me and the kids. Well, no. The kids aren't vain. They're just naturally cute.

Conscience: 'And you're cramming again.'
Me: 'When I go to my other home on weekends, all I do is spoil myself.'
Conscience: 'Set aside time.'
Me: 'Easier said than done.'

During the weekend, I did some Christmas shopping. I hate not doing Christmas shopping. To be honest, I look forward to Christmas every year. It's like the highlight of my year. I love buying gifts for people and I love getting things in return. For me, the best thing about shopping for friends is thinking about what they want. The hardest part about giving gifts is not knowing who you won't give gifts to. The mall mom and I went to last Saturday was full of people. Funny thing was that the moms were the ones pushing and shoving their way through the crowds. The dad were so chill. I think they were so bored. And the kids? The kids wanted to buy everything they saw. I wanted to buy everything I saw.

Conscience: 'Have you gotten anything for Ada, Tea and Gusto?'
Me: 'Yeah.'
Conscience: 'You know their birthdays?'
Me: 'Kinda.'

I have these really cute Christmas stockings for them. I'll be hanging them out on December 1. And then I might just fill them up with little goodies they might enjoy. Spoil them a little bit. Give them some candy and chocolates and Crayolas. Tea has been bugging me to give her a birthday gift. I was like, 'Your birthday is still next year!' Still, she went on and on until I promised to write her birthday down on my calendar. And then after bugging me for a birthday gift, she goes, 'But Christmas comes first. So you give me my first gift then.' I can't wait for her to be older when I can take her to the movies or something.

Conscience: So how was your week?
Me: 'Terribly exciting!'
Conscience: 'Anything great happened?'
Me: 'Gusto got his stitches out!'

I am so proud of that kid! I was telling Ada and Tea that when I was a kid, my goal in life was to get stitches and a cast. I thought it was pretty neat to have a few stitches and to break a leg or an arm. Later on, when I got my wisdom teeth out, I realized that stitches weren't such a big thing. They were cool when they were on, but it hurt when they removed it. And so, I am so proud of Gusto! Yeah, he cried when the doctor was taking the stitches out. But he was so chill about it. He had stitches and kept wanting to go to the park. Oh yeah, he got the stitches because he was pretending to be a superhero.

Conscience: 'What else did you do?'
Me: 'Well, I went with the kids to the book fair!'
Conscience: 'That's nice.'
Me: 'I also kinda went to the grade school and high school fair.'

Even though the kids and I go to the same school, college students don't really care about the rest of the school. So when I visited the fair with the kids, they were so happy. Ada showed me around her part of the school. She brought me to her classroom. She dragged me to Tea's classroom. I wished that I was still in pre-school! They have an easy life. Last Friday, we all went to the fair. Even mom. I think mom enjoyed herself. Duh.

Conscience: 'So how come you're cramming all your assignments and projects?'
Me: 'I was busy reading.'
Conscience: 'Tsk tsk tsk.'
Me: 'Whatever.'

Finally got my hands on Inheritance by Christopher Paolini. If you've waited for the series to end since you were like thirteen years old, you're gonna do anything you can to finish reading the last book as soon as possible. Finishing the Inheritance cycle was and will always be more important than some stupid subject that has nothing to do with your course.

Conscience: 'And Percy Jackson?'
Me: 'And Percy Jackson.'
Conscience: 'What got you into that?'
Me: 'Ada.'

Ada told me that she watched the movie. I remembered that I stole a Percy Jackson book before. I'm pretty proud of that! And so when we went to the book fair, Manang Rina told me I could get a book. I got the first book of Percy Jackson. I love it.

Conscience: 'What's up with the Angry Birds?'
Me: 'They're cute!'
Conscience: 'I thought you hated them?'
Me: 'They light up.'

Seriously. Things that light up are so adorable. Don't care if it's Angry Birds. I just find it cool.

Just Saying

Conscience: 'How have you been?'
Me: 'Fine.'
Conscience: 'How's school?'
Me: 'Fine.'
Conscience: 'Really.'
Me: ' Really.'

This is my third week in school.  Doesn't take up much of my time. In fact, I feel like I'm not studying at all. High school was even more stressful than this. I have time to visit the park, read really thick books, run around in the malls, watch Modern Family, eat ice cream and blow plastic balloons. I get to sleep for about six to eight hours every night. Sometimes though I wake up with a headache. Am not used to getting too much sleep. But I'm loving it!

Conscience: 'Again. How's school?'
Me: 'I'm loving it!'
Conscience: 'I thought you hate school?'
Me: 'I hate exams, quizzes, homework, projects, people, professors and stuff like that.'

School is lovely. And yes, most of the professors are okay. I only dislike one professor. My schedule isn't that bad either. Mondays and Fridays are my full days when I have about four classes. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I only have one class. And on Wednesdays I've got two classes. Saturday class? Nope. I don't have that. I go home for lunch every day 'cause I feel like it. I can't take the smell of the canteen!

Conscience: 'I thought you didn't like that school?'
Me: 'I take that back.'
Conscience: 'You love it now?'
Me: 'I never said that.'

I didn't like the school before 'cause I thought that the people would be snobs. Actually, they're very nice and simple people. I guess that others think that the people in my school are snobs because they speak English, they are proud of their school, they like looking fashionable and they excel. But are they snobs? No. If they know that you're new, they actually go out of their way to show you to your classes, to tour you around the area, to make small talk with you and to make sure that you're doing okay.

Conscience: 'So you live where?'
Me: 'I live with my brother and my sister in law. And Ada, Tea, and Gusto.'
Conscience: 'What a way to answer a question!'
Me: 'At least you got an answer!'

Yes, I kinda like have two homes now. During the week, I stay with my brother and his family. When the weekend comes, I go home to my mom. The only thing I hate about living in two houses is the fact that I have to pack my bags every Sunday and unpack them every Friday. Also, when I'm home with mom, I have to make a list of everything I think I'll need when I'm at my brother's house. Sucks. But I manage.

Conscience: 'You love the kids.'
Me: 'I adore them.'
Conscience: 'They don't drive you insane?'
Me: 'Not really.'

Getting used to having three kids around wasn't that hard.  I'm an only kid (with two ancient brothers). At home with mom, I'm used to having my own room, not caring about others, leaving my things everywhere and just not having others around. Let's just say that I'm used to thinking about myself only. But when you've got one kid tickling you, another telling you a story and one who just wants to hug you, you can't just ignore them. You've got to somehow be interested in their lives. You're forced to care for them. It's not that hard. It's easy to love the kids because they love me too.

Conscience: 'I heard you quit Kumon.'
Me: 'Well, I already am a Kumon complete in maths and reading.'
Conscience: 'So...'
Me: 'I was taking Level X.'

I was taking an extra level to prove to the world how smart I actually am. Seriously.  I stopped because I am tired of math. And also because I hate homework.

Conscience: 'You didn't do your homework for tomorrow.'
Me: 'So?'
Conscience: 'Just saying.'
Me: 'Okay.'

Steve Jobs didn't finish college.

The Mac

Conscience: 'You're buying a new Mac that costs about 60k.
Me: 'And your point?'
Conscience: 'WOW.' 

I'm buying it. Not my mom. Not my dad. Me.  Sure, that means not being able to get a new camera. And yeah, that means being poor for so many years. But hell, I need a laptop to survive. My excuse? I need it for my course in college.

Conscience: 'Why not have fun with your MacBook?'
Me: 'It's no fun anymore.'
Conscience: 'iPad 2?'
Me: 'You're kidding, right?'

My MacBook is dead.  Well, it's not really dead dead. I'm just too lazy to have it fixed Thought of getting myself an iPad 2 since it's a lot cheaper. But it doesn't have iMovie. Nah, it has iMovie. It doesn't have all the features of iMovie. And I do need all the features of iMovie. Another thing is that it has almost zero memory. How on earth will I be able to download and store all the things I download? Sorry, I'll spend a lot to be able to download and watch How I Met Your Mother and Modern family.

Conscience: 'Get something that isn't Mac.'
Me: 'I'd rather not buy anything at all.'
Conscience: 'It's cheaper.'
Me: 'Is it as cool as a Mac?'
Conscience: 'Uhm...'

My brother actually said, 'Get a new Mac. Or get something cheaper, but isn't as cool.'

Conscience: 'Why a Mac?'
Me: 'I'm used to it already.'
Conscience: 'Learn to use not-a-Mac.'
Me: 'Ugh.'

I can't even use my parents' laptops. I used to be an expert with Windows. Seriously. But now, I can't even find their files on their laptops. When they need help, I actually use Google to "help them."

Conscience: 'What's your take on, "My Mac is two years old and it died on me. I wanted it to last for ten years!'"
Me: 'Who would want a Mac to last for ten years?!'
Conscience: 'It's expensive.'
Me: 'You want old technology on your Mac for ten years?'
Conscience: 'Well. . .'

MACS DIE.  GADGETS DIE. I don't get people who blame the brand for the death of their gadgets.

Conscience: 'What is so great about a Mac?'
Me: 'What isn't great about a Mac?'

Seriously. 

Me: 'Anything else you want to say?'
Conscience: 'Rich kid.'
Me: 'Thank you.'
Conscience: 'WTF.'

I paid for it myself! 

Conscience: 'Spoiled brat.'

Yes, I am.

Just Between the Person and Me

My parents think this is what will happen tomorrow.

Person: 'So, tell me something about yourself.'
Me: 'I'm Anna. I'm nineteen. I collect Mr. Potato Heads. I eat Nutella.'

And instead of telling the person those important facts, I'll end up telling the person the boring details about myself. I'll tell them that I like Coke and McDo. Maybe I'd let it slip that I drink too much coffee and that I'm a trying hard vegetarian. Or maybe I'll end up telling them that I just watched Glee the movie thingamajig and I have an awful crush on Blaine.

Person: 'Do you enjoy school?'
Me: 'Enjoy school? Are you kidding me?!'

I hate it. Doesn't matter what school I'm in. I just hate school. Doesn't matter if it's regular school or home school. I still hate it. No, I love learning. I love getting cool and amazing grades. Homework actually interests me. Exams make me push myself to my limits. But there's this thing called I-hate-school-because-it's-school. I can't really explain it altogether. I just know that there's a huge part of me that hates school because it's in the morning.

Person: 'Why are you in this school?'
Me: 'Let's just say that this is my dream school.'

Truth? My grandmother went to this school. My aunts went to this school. My mom went to this school. My mom's grandchildren go to this school. This is why I was made to go to this school. It cannot be that my mom's only daughter won't be a graduate of this school. That would just bring shame to my mom. I think she wouldn't allow me back home if I didn't make it in this school. Did I want to go to this school? I wanted to go to this school to shut my mom up and make her proud. Do I love this school? We'll see about that.

Person: 'This is a Catholic school.'
Me: 'That is so cool!'

Seriously, I don't really care. The school can be Catholic, Christian, Muslim or whatever kind of religion there is out there and I will not care. I do however believe that there is a God. I do believe in that God. I have faith. I don't have a religion. I read the Bible. I pray. I worship. I praise. I do so many other things that people associate with the Catholic religion or the Christian religion. I am not a Catholic. I am not a Christian. I just have faith. I believe what there is to believe. I reject whatever goes against the Bible. I respect people who have a religion. I do not try to get people to think the way I think about religion and faith. If they ask, I'll tell them. If they don't, I shut up.

Person: 'Why are you in mass communication?'
Me: '*insert some amazing made up reason here*'

Gusto ko eh! This is what I want. How on earth do you actually explain why you like something? Yeah, don't give me those crap answers saying that you can explain it. I know you can. I'm just not good at explaining why I want mass communication. I've always known that I'd either end up as a teacher or as a person with a degree in mass communication major in something epic. Teacher? My mom is a teacher. My dad is a director and a writer. Since I hate maths (yet get good grades in that subject), I just opted to get mass communications. Really, if I had known that I like philosophy, I'd take that up instead.

Person: 'What are your goals in life?'
Me: 'World peace. Clean air. Happiness. Love. Free WiFi for everyone!'

Free WiFi for everyone. I find it stupid when people ask me this question. I do have goals. I have crazy goals. For example, I want to own a bookstore and a coffee shop. But goals? As in goals like adult goals? You've got to be kidding me! I just go with the flow. If I told you that my goal in life is just to have fun, live my faith and help people, you'd think I'm weird. Normal people want to make money, be famous and have power. I don't want those things. So yes, my goal in life is to have fun and be carefree. I'd like to be able to live my faith in a way that brings glory to my Maker. I'd have fun and live my faith by helping others.  Lame? I don't think so.

Person: 'I'm trying to figure out why you have red hair.'
Me: 'You're telling me you hate it. You want me to dye it black.'

The red hair does not belong to this story. It belongs to some other story. But I will tell you why it's red not why I wanted it to be red. My friends put the dye on my hair and then the car came to pick me up. Instead of going home directly, my mom stopped at Yellow Cab to buy some dinner for herself. The supposedly fifteen minute drive home became a thirty minute drive. Rather, it was still a fifteen minute drive home, but we had to wait another fifteen minutes for the food. In short, I left the dye on my hair for too long. I don't really care that it's red. A lot of people have come up to me to say it's good. This guy I like even went up to me last Sunday and said, 'I like your hair! Keep it that way.'

Person: 'You have five piercings.'
Me: 'I don't have a tattoo.'

Yet. 

Person: 'Is there anything else you want to say?'
Me: 'Thanks. Bye! I'm hungry.'